Crouton Haircut
Creator HalBuzzKill
Creation January 5, 2013
Type Freak
Alignment True Neutral
Attitude Solitary, unpredictable
Fighting style Short-to-Mid Ranged
Abilities Item spouting
Weaknesses Mishappen body
Erratic main ability
Status Alive
Occupation Living Crate

Crouton Haircut is a RED Soldier TF2 Freak that has a crate for a body and a completely yellow Bill's Hat to compensate for his embarrassing lack of hair to cut. He was created by HalBuzzKill.


Crouton Haircut lives alone in cp_freight, minding his own business unless drawn out. Nobody knows how he came to be and nobody's entirely sure why. They just know that if they don't bother him he'll leave them alone.

Behaviour and Personality

As stated, Crouton is a solitary being, preferring to sit among the other crates that lie on his home map and watch the combat ensue from the safety of his box.

When approached by someone with intent to speak with him, or if he mistakes them for having done so, he will come out of his box and announce his name, similar to what many other freaks do when their home is contacted. His reactions to the people that provoke his appearance are unpredictable, as is his demeanor to the same. But he's tossed enough people into explosives that most normal people would rather not take their chances.

He will not fight other Freaks unless provoked into doing so. The amount of aggravation he must undertake to try to attack increases the more powerful the opposing freak is. There are some he will not attack under any circumstances.


When a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key is stuffed into Crouton's mouth, he will consume it and begin processing it inside of his body. A little bit after, a random object will pop out of his mouth, including ones that cannot be found in Team Fortress 2 as an item or a prop. Sometimes he will procure objects large enough that it makes no sense how they fit in his box, let alone come out of his throat. The item/object he dispenses, as stated, is completely unpredictable; one never knows what they'll get. His main limitation here is that he does not under any circumstance spit out living things.

Non-standard variations of key like Festive or Summer Cooler Keys will cause the same reaction a normal key would, but the type of key used influences what types of items he will produce slightly. Keys that are not made by Mann Co will have no effect and will just be spat back out or lost forever, depending on whether he swallows it entirely or not.

The larger the object is, the faster it will expel from his mouth. This gives his ability the potential to be a dangerous weapon.

Faults and Weaknesses

  • His primary ability, again as stated, is unable to be gauged. He has as little idea of what he'll spout out as anyone around him does.
  • As dangerous as his ability could be, that doesn't mean it always will be. Attempting to use himself as a living weapon is an impractical effort, as his "attacks" can just as easily fall flat as they can be effective. This applies same for other people who use him as a weapon themselves.
  • He cannot move when producing an object, and his doing so can be interrupted.
  • He has no special motional, defense or strength abilities, and as a result is physically run-of-the-mill, at least for a Freak.

Notable Videos

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.